Shot to the heart
by odoriferous
Summary: Sara is involved in a shooting. Grissom gets a wake up call.


Shot to the heart.

The sound of three shots echoed loudly in the small room. Immediately Sara's ears started ringing from the explosive blasts. She didn't move an inch though. A uniformed officer quickly ran to the sagging body of the man who lay bleeding on his living room floor and checked for a pulse. He yelled something at his partner about calling 911. The other officer swiftly grabbed his radio to make the call. All of this passed in a blur as Sara could only focus of the dark eyes of the wounded man. They were open, but clouded and they stared straight at her. Only moments ago those eyes had had fire in them. They'd exuded outrage and contempt when Brass had served the man with a warrant to search the premises. Now they just gazed emptily. Sara returned the dead man's gaze, unable to even blink. Only vaguely aware was she of Brass's calm, soothing voice and his body carefully approaching her. She felt his hand on her arm and let him take the gun from her trembling hand. Brass was still talking, but his voice sounded miles away.

* * *

"Grissom!", Catherine nearly yelled as she materialized in his doorway.

Grissom turned off his stereo, effectively silencing the soprano just as her aria reached a climax. As he didn't like being yelled at, he had a stern face ready for her. His expression quickly faded as he looked up at his colleague. After almost 15 years of friendship, Grissom didn't have to ask. Her distraught expression spoke volumes.

"Gil, something happened", Catherine said.

Those simple words made Grissom's heart skip a beat. Goosebumps rose on his arms and neck, witness to an ominous feeling, like getting a phone call in the middle of the night. Since he didn't have a real family his concern for his co-workers had become his primary one. Actually they were much more than just co-workers to him, but he'd be caught dead before he'd ever cop to that.

"What happened, Cath ?", he managed to utter in a relatively calm voice.

"I'm not sure. Shots were fired at a suspects home. I heard it on the scanner in the break room."

"What suspect ?", he asked in what must have seemed like a patient manner to an outsider, but Catherine was well aware of Grissom's inner turmoil.

"Melvin Burke. Sara and Brass are there."

* * *

"Sara ?", Brass asked quietly.

"I'm sorry", she said to no one in particular.

"Don't be. You had no choice. You did good."

"I shot him", Sara said in a flat tone, but finally looking at the detective.

"Yes", Brass simply said.

He put an arm around her frail shoulders, trying to pull her away from the living room and into the kitchen of the tiny studio rented to Melvin Burke. Sara didn't budge yet.

"You need to come with me, Sara."

His voice had a pleading quality, a trick Brass had no doubt acquired while raising his rebellious daughter and willing her into compliance. The trick hadn't worked with her, but it seemed to persuade Sara.

"What about him ?", she asked, her gaze directed at the still suspect.

"EMS is on their way. Nothing we can do. Come on."

They both knew there was no way the EMT's would ever get him back to life. Not without a miracle.

"Sit", Brass ordered as he pointed to chair. To a stranger it might have sounded harsh, but Sara could sense the sympathy in the detective's voice.

"Don't move."

Brass swung around and motioned for one of the uniforms to keep on eye on the dazed CSI.

"I'm calling Grissom."

"No," Sara whimpered, but Brass was already punching speed dial. He looked at her compassionately as he waited for Grissom to pick up his cell. He knew.

"Gil", Sara heard him say, as he turned away from her, "It's Brass." 

* * *

Catherine looked at Grissom expectantly, as he put down his cell phone and let out a reassured sigh.

"That was Brass."

"And ?" Catherine raised her eyebrows at her friend.

"They're fine. Sara shot out suspect."

"What ?" Catherine's eyes grew wide in astonishment.

Catherine knew Sara as a calm and calculated investigator. Only rape cases really got under the young CSI's skin. She would bury herself intensely in the case and spend night after night at CSI, clocking in way too early and going home way to late. She'd raked up plenty of over time that way. The reason for her extremely vigorous efforts to catch rapists had concerned Sara's co-workers on more than one occasion, but nobody dared to ask and she sure wasn't going to volunteer the information. So they assisted her when needed and got out of her way, when things would heat up.

"Brass said it was a righteous shoot. Apparently the guy suddenly pulled a gun from his pocket as they were searching his house. Sara saw him take aim at the officer who was guarding the suspect and shot him."

"Wow, I'm baffled."

Grissom glared at Catherine.

"She did what she had to do to save a fellow officer, Catherine."

"Good for him."

Grissom started walking away.

"Where are you going ?" Catherine yelled after him.

"To see Sara", he said without looking back. 

* * *

He entered P.D. with a confident stride, ignoring the looks from detectives and uniforms alike. The silent hilarity would usually ensue when what the cops referred to as the nerd squad would turn up at the station. There was a general agreement among the law enforcers that the lab guys looked funny out of their habitat. Today however Grissom received almost sympathetic looks from most of them. So new travels fast, he thought.

Grissom spotted Brass in the hallway where the interrogation rooms were.

"Where is she ?", he asked more harshly then he'd intended. He had a hard time reminding himself that this was not Brass's fault.

"Hi, Gil. Nice to see you too", the detective said ironically.

"Sorry", he said but his face showed his impatience.

"She's fine."

"I know. Where ?"

"Relax, Gil. She's making a statement."

"Internal Affairs got here that fast ?"

"We want to do this right. Doesn't look good for the city if it gets out our CSI's go about killing suspects."

"You said it was a clean shoot."

"It was. Which is why we don't want her to get in any trouble. We're on the same side her Gil. It's just procedure."

"Procedure", Grissom reiterated.

Brass nodded.

"I'm sending her on leave."

"Probably not a bad idea. I think she could use it."

Although he sensed that Brass wasn't just referring to the shoot-out, Grissom didn't address the issue. He wouldn't give him the gratification.

"You can go talk to her when I.A. is ready. Should only take about fifteen minutes or so. Let's grab some coffee down the hall." 

* * *

"Have you been under a lot of stress lately ?"

"I don't see what that has to do with anything", Sara replied defensively.

"We covered the details of the incident, now we just want to establish your state of mind at the time", the female I.A. cop said. She smiled and tucked a stray lock of honey blonde hair behind her ear. She looked so casual, like nothing was wrong in the world. But then, she really didn't have anything to worry about, Sara thought, she didn't just kill a man.

"My state of mind is fine, thank you", came Sara's sardonic answer.

"Did you have any trouble in your personal life lately ? With a boyfriend maybe, or family ?"

Sara sighed frustrated. What personal life ?

"I don't have a boyfriend, and my family lives in California. We only rarely see each other and we don't talk much either."

"Any work related stress ?", the blonde's partner asked.

If Sara hadn't been so distraught, she might have noticed his handsome features. He too smiled a saccharine smile at her.

"I have a stressful job."

"What about your relationship with your co-workers ?"

"Fine. We get along great."

Sara was getting exasperated.

"Ok. So you assessed the situation as it presented itself and found the best way to ensure the safety of yourself and your fellow officers was to take down the suspect, who was in fact brandishing a firearm ?"

It sounded more like a statement than a question as the I.A. woman recapitulated. Sara sighed.

"Yes."

"And you identified yourself and warned the suspect before you shot ?"

"Yes."

"Well, you otherwise have a clean record."

"Of course. I don't make a habit out of shooting people."

"We're through here", the man said. "We'll need to take your gun though."

"Brass already has it."

"Right. Thank you, Miss Sidle. Your supervisor will talk to you soon. We'll advise him to put you on leave for a week."

"What ?"

Sara rose from her chair.

"Until the paperwork clears. You'll get your gun back then too."

She let herself fall back down on the hard chair as the I.A. people left the room.

"Fuck!", she cursed.

Tears started welling up in her eyes. Although she tried to fight them, the salty droplets started running down her cheeks, leaving black mascara traces on her pale skin. She dropped her aching head on the table and sobbed silently. 

* * *

"Sara ?"

Gil half expected her head to snap up and to get a snide comment thrown at him, but nothing happened. Sara's head remained cradled in her arms on the table, though the sobbing had seized. An uncomfortable feeling snuck up on him and he stood still, unsure of how to proceed. He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose, like he always did when he got nervous.

"Are you ok ?"

Finally Sara lifted her head and looked at him with a tear streaked face. She wiped at her cheeks to erase the evidence, but it didn't work.

"I didn't get hurt," she said quietly.

"That's not what I meant, Sara."

She thought about it for a moment. It was too much to believe that he'd actually care about how she felt.

"I'm fine. I told I.A. everything."

"Yeah."

"So you're here to officially tell me I'm on leave ?"

Grissom didn't think so, but the hurt was visible on his face. If that's all she thought of him, he must have screwed up worse than he'd ever imagined. He tried to keep the desolation from his voice, but didn't succeed much there either.

"One of my CSI's was involved in a shooting. I was worried and I came to see if they were alright."

Sara snorted in contempt.

"They ?"

Grissom continued impassively.

"And to tell them that they're on leave. For a week."

"Fine."

"I'm taking you home."

"What ?", she asked in shock.

"You don't have a car here do you ?"

"Right."

She sighed as she gathered her things and followed Grissom out of the building. They didn't speak or even look at each other. Sara trailed behind Grissom, feeling like a high school kid being called into the principal's office. The feeling that she somehow let Grissom down grew stronger and left a lump in her throat. Why did it feel like her world was falling apart around her ? It was as if she stood in the middle of what used to be her life and no matter which way she turned, things she once held so dearly just crumbled to the ground. A single tear trickled down her face. She wished she could cry her heart out, but even that release wasn't granted.

Grissom turned to face her as they reached his car. A worried look crossed his face.

"Sara", he said with a warm voice she hardly recognized.

She stared at the ground, willing the moment to pass. Wanting him to move on, knowing that he couldn't give her what she needed. Dragging it out would only cause more pain.

Grissom touched her arm to get her attention, but she couldn't face him.

"Sara", he repeated.

"It's not your fault. You did what you had to do."

"Have you ever killed a man, Grissom ?", Sara asked without looking up.

"No."

"Then don't say that. You have no idea."

"I can't help you."

"No. I'll help myself."

Sara moved to the other side of the vehicle and waited for Grissom to unlock the doors. He sighed and did as expected. They drove to her place in silence. Grissom didn't ask for directions, even though he'd never actually been to her apartment. Sara didn't even seem to notice.

Grissom parked the car and removed the key from the ignition, but didn't move. Neither did Sara. They sat quietly for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only minutes. Grissom stared at Sara gazing out the window, unseeing.

"Don't ever do that to me again", he said, his voice weak and barely audible.

Sara turned to face him, unsure of what she'd heard.

"What ?"

"You gave me the scare of a lifetime. I've already seen you get hurt on the job once."

"Occupational hazard, I guess", she answered dryly.

"I feel responsible for you. It's because I asked you to come to Las Vegas that you're here."

He paused.

"I'd never forgive myself if anything should happen to you."

She was surprised at his candor, but quickly recovered.

"I came here out of my own volition. I wouldn't hold it against you."

Grissom sighed exasperated.

"That's not the point, Sara. I'd hold it against myself."

"That's not my problem, Grissom."

Her blatant disinterest struck a chord with him and made his anger and frustration well up.

"Damn it, Sara", he almost yelled as he grabbed her arms hard, "this is serious. You could have been hurt tonight."

He didn't let go of her arms. His eyes were wild and they searched her face hoping to find a reflection of his own pain. Sara had closed her eyes, but tears spilled from them.

"I didn't care about the suspect tonight. I didn't even care about contaminating evidence or messing up a case. I care about you."

More tears welled up in Sara's eyes and as she opened her chocolate brown orbs, Grissom indeed found the duplicate of his own turmoil.

"I'm sorry", she sobbed.

"Don't be", he softly said and as he loosened his grip on her, he felt her body sag against him, her wet face soaking his shirt. He moved his arms around her limp form in an awkward hug.

"I'm sorry I let you down", she said, her voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

"I can never seem to do anything right with you. I mean, I try, but…".

Her voice failed.

"You could never let me down, Sara. If anything, I was the one who failed you. I should apologize."

Sara shifted in his embrace to look in his eyes and verify the truthfulness of his words. It was always his eyes that told her what she needed to know. When words wouldn't come, his eyes would tell his story and she'd understand. Tonight his eyes were bright and full of compassion but with a tinge of regret.

"I should have been a better man, but I was a coward. I chose to walk away because was afraid of loosing. I could have something wonderful, but in the blink of an eye, all of it could be taken away from me again. Just like tonight. You could have been hurt, or worse."

Sara just stared at him, unable to utter a single phrase.

"You see, Sara. I could never have you, because I could never let you go."

"Grissom", she sighed, "you're not making sense."

"I know. Now I do know. It took me a while to figure it out."

"You can't just deny yourself something because you're afraid that it won't last." Sara paused, gathering courage, "I know it sounds contrived, but isn't it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all ?"

Sara felt the vibration in Grissom's chest as he chuckled.

"So they say."

His face got grave again.

"You were always much more valiant than me. You were always the strong one."

"Looking at me now, you wouldn't say so, huh ?", she said with self-mockery.

Grissom let his right hand wander from her back to cradle her face.

"You are beautiful", he whispered.

Sara's breath hitched in her throat.

"Don't do this, Grissom. Not if you're going to regret it tomorrow."

"I have a feeling I'm never going to regret this", Grissom replied sincerely.

"I…", she started, but was cut off by his gentle lips on hers.

It was a short sweet kiss, but one that conveyed so much of his emotion that it made Sara dizzy with want.

"Mmmm", she purred as his lips left hers and his body moved away.

Sara was very pleased to see the flush on Grissom's face.

"We're still in my car."

"Yes."

He eyed her with curiosity. A smile graced her features and for the first time in months it was a smile that reached her eyes.

"I live here", she stated matter of factly. "Do you want to come in ? For coffee maybe ?"

"I've got to make sure you got home alright, right ?", he said with a smirk on his face.

"Oh, I think I got home alright", she replied eagerly.

Fin


End file.
